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Took a little detour today on the way home. Just a little reward for the past 2 weeks of working hard. One of these days I'll find a day and spend sometime with myself going around sketching and sight seeing. Looking at everything from a tourist point of view. Perhaps even bringing my camera. Somethings need to change and I think, changing your perception is something good to begin with.

Third week since university started. It's pretty tough here, seeing that everyone is kickass at it and I'm a novice here. I'm just really afraid that I'll lose my marbles when it's the maths module. I'm actually really afraid of that. Other than that I'm really enjoying this, it's really nice <: the stress is alright, sleepless nights i'll get used to. I guess the bottom line is I miss being a student and this feels great. To be so carefree and spending time with amazing people, that's what it's all about. 

Started university this week. It's a little overwhelming but with time, I'll get used to it.
People here are amazing, got to know more amazing people as well as new people.

Work is piling up, thought it would be doable but it turns out, it's quite a juggle to balance time and work.
Alright that's all for now.

-Q

I've always longed to further study in a foreign country like the states or in europe. A pretty ambitious dream for someone like me.
Now I've gone and done it, enrolled into a local university when my mom's urging me to go overseas to get a degree. I really want to, but there are just too many things that is holding me back. The money is one thing that's making me have second thoughts, not only are you paying for my education but also my brother's. To just leave and go abroad is not something I can do so without hesitation, when I'm always troubled about the amount of money that is to be spent abroad, lodgings, tuition fees and loans, medical insurance, daily expenses.. the list goes on.

I'd rather get a degree here and really work hard to get a good job, who knows, one day I might land a job from overseas? I wouldn't mind that really, so it's really no rush. And I do really appreciate that you want the best for me. But with the current plot we're in, it ain't no easy feat and I'm just as happy that I can get to continue doing what I like here locally, so don't sweat about it. 

I've thought this thru throughly so don't be disappointed that I didn't apply for any overseas University aite. I just don't want to add more burden to this family at the moment, it's pretty bad as it is and just leaving suddenly isn't going to do any good. I have made my decision and that's that. 

But you're still brining me to Europe and US of A for my holiday right? Haha, I'm happy with just a visit anyhoo (:

Neon Trees is performing in Singapore this month. *victory dance*
Hope I have a rad time! :D

Spent the evening with a couple of close buddies. Can't express how much I love you guys.
You guys always never fail to put a smile to my face. I always feel energized after meeting up with y'all.
You are the best bunch of people and friends I ever met. We never fail to amaze each other whenever we meet up, so cool you know?
Thanks for the great evening and slacking. Love you guys manzzz!

I know that person will most probably never chance upon this blog/post at all, but then again I have to do this.
Well now that I'm sitting down and really writing this to you, I hope that it helps me really move on and put and end to this never ending chapter.
This is nothing but a closure that I seek for, and also all those things in my mind that I have never once mentioned to you. 
So alas, here it begins.

I shall call you Mr P. ( as you have the right to remain anonymous, i will just use whatever that comes to mind.)

Dear Mr P,

It was really amazing to have known such a great friend as you, it's really an honor. Reason being half of the time, people I've come to know or meet are assholes to me to begin with. Not that it matters now, but just saying after years of being judged based on appearance, I've learn to deal with hurtful comments and mean people. Well to sum it up, I've become a hard faced bitch to people who don't deserve my friendship. Which I must say, isn't easy to attain. And you of all people I least expect, became one of my closet friend(first in poly actually) I ever had. It was pretty hilarious, how we first got to know one another.

During our freshmen camp, we were in the same empire but you went for the workshop while I attended the camp. But after all the camp hype and school starting, our empire had a follow up camp in school. And that's how we met, it was really awkward as we were all split up into mini empires. If i can remember 5 to a group? It was pretty weird grouping up with one person I knew from camp and the other 3 including you were from the workshop, which were total strangers. But the night walk totally made us pee our pants, the way I see it. And that's how we really laughed our asses off after the camp ended and we starting meeting and hanging out. It was hilarious, like hell, I would like go through that again, just to have a good laugh.

We used to meet after class to grab lunch during year one, and I remember vaguely you introduced me to your really good friend, Mr E. So Mr E and you used to be closed friends from way back. But recently he's been distant and you are really upset about it. I listened to you whims and stories. On the other hand I listened to Mr E stories too. And most of the time you're just over thinking it and really just too paranoid about him hanging out with his new friends. I tried telling you that you were just thinking too much and it's not really a problem. You said you understood but you were just really disappointed that Mr E isn't the same as how he use to be and how he hasn't talked to you through IM and such. It was really hard for me to be caught in the middle of it, as I knew you didn't want me to tell Mr E about it but Mr E was very confused and troubled about the way your acting and all those things you said on you blog. Mr E doesn't know what he did wrong. And I just couldn't see you so upset, it was really affecting you at one point. And that's when I decided to tell Mr E about all your troubles.

After I told you what I did. You started to act like a total douche. What you thought Mr E did to you, you did to me in reality. What more is there to say? I listened to you explanations, you've been been hurt once, twice and god knows how many time and you can't forgive me for what I did. But have you ever, ever thought for a split second that you have hurt me? It may be unintentional, it might not, only you would know. But has it ever crossed your mind that what you did truly upset me and hurt my feelings as well? I don't know how to put this nicely, but this is the only way I know how to put it across to you. Not everything revolves around you and you alone, so you are saying that it's not okay for others to hurt you but in return it is alright to inflict this kind of hurt and pain to others? Isn't this a little to selfish, it's like the pot calling the kettle back. You said that what I did was unforgivable to you, have you ever wondered, what about me? I didn't get a say in this matter, at least that's what I felt. It was always all about you. 

You were hurt. You have been betrayed. Your trust has been broken. You feel that I'm wrong. You are the victim. You thought that I could have known better. Perhaps I shouldn't even have stepped in to help, I shouldn't in reality but I did and this is what I get. An ungreatful response from a dearest friend. Or perhaps I wasn't a good enough friend for you to begin with. But what about me? I didn't expect much really, I figured that you'll get over this matter, the dynamics of the friendship would have changed but that wouldn't bother me as long as we were still friends. But I guess I'm not that of a important friend as Mr E, and I understand why. Because I should always thought of how you felt before I did, am I right? 

How silly of me, did you know how much pain I went through during that time? My family was falling apart, I was having problems with my mom and the friend that I stood by no matter what did not reply my text nor calls. All I wanted was someone to hear me out and listen to my troubles. Never once had I not listened to you troubles. Even if i had class I would rush over to meet you to make sure that you were alright. But this is what I get, someone unable to let go of something I did out of goodwill, taking it to heart and saying that what I did was wrong.
Have you ever spent a second thinking how would you feel in my shoes? 

I'm so god damn disappointed in you. I am, really and truly from the bottom of my heart. Did you know how it affected me in class? I couldn't concentrate I was worried what happened that you weren't replying my text and ignoring my calls. I should have known for the better. But I didn't. My classmates were worried for me and they told me to leave it be. But I couldn't. I couldn't understand why the closest friend I had was ignoring me out of the blue, of all people you should have known better. Ingrate.  Did you know how much shite you put me through just to get pass that incident? I don't even want to remember.  I'm really disappointed in you Mr P. You have hurt in me in so many ways that you won't even know. You have betrayed the friendship I thought we had and you had betrayed the trust I placed in you as a friend.

What more can I say? You wouldn't hear me out either way, so this letter is to you Mr P. I know you won't ever read this neither will you know about this. But somehow I wish you would, but it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. But just to let you know, I have treasured this friendship for 3 years and always had hope that one day we would be able to talk again. But now I know it's not going to ever happen. Therefore this letter is to end everything and for me to know that there will never be a chance for this friendship to blossom again.

P/S you shouldn't be pissed reading this as this is my side of the story. I've heard yours, but you didn't give me a chance, so this is it.


All the best for your future endeavors.
Yours Truely,
Q


Oh and Mr P I leave you with this song:

 Sometimes stupid impulses are fine. But most of the time you just end up regretting it.
meh, whatever what's done is done.
no point crying over spilt milk. 

All in all, everything seems to be looking  fine.

But techinically speaking, falling 2 weeks behind a planned schedule sucks big time.
Hopefully I can finish my final animation on time. Fingers crossed on that.

On a side not, it's the year end break. But it's as if there's none such thing for me.
Work first, play later. There will be time to play soon enough.
Looking forward to Chirstmas weekend this week.
I get 2 days off (: